| Peter Pan has disappointed me for the first time in my life, HOW COULD YOU?!? |
[29 Dec 2003|10:42am] |
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Amy was just over here. She is so cool, we always talk about boys and shit together and it's so amazing how much in common our problems are.
The two of us so stayed up all night watching the Degrassi marathon. I cannot beleive that Rick hit Carrie! OR that Emma's dad is a retard who fell off a bridge after rolling on acid.
intense
Also, Dustyn drove Amy and I to see Peter Pan. I'm quite upset at the quality of this production, and I highly don't reccomend seeing it to anyone who wanted to because (as a person who is in love with anything Peter Pan) I must say that the acting was horrible, the characters were predictable and unbeleiveable, and the story line was changed greatly.
Oh-My-God, I cannot beleive how badly that movie totally sucked!
I do beleive that there in another one coming out in a year or so, and im sure it will be much better because there is just no way in hell it could be worse.
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| indeed |
[27 Dec 2003|10:36am] |
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bleach |
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Clint is mad at me because I told him about Dustyn and I, and what the two of us have been doing. I really don't like it when people are mad at me because I can't keep my mouth shut. I hate being one of those people. Yesterday Dustyn told me he was trying to get back together with Birtney. Something i have a hard time understanding quite a bit, because she is so fat and immature and all. It is all just as well because pretty much the whole time I was at Dustyn's, all i could think about was Matt and how much I like him, and how long I've liked him. Talking about Matt with Dustyn was really fun and easy, it didn't make me doubt our abilty to remain friends.
I don't know exactly where I stand with Clint and all, I guess, he is the best person I know, but it just seems that he could do so much better than me, he deserves so much better than me.
It all sounds so mean and harsh, when really, thats how it is. I dont like writing endless entrys about boys and me, but, thats always what i end up doing, i should really stay away from guys for a while, I should, but I won't.
I haven't talked to Matt in a few days. He did mention us hanging out for a while, which, I would really really like. Especially because HE mentioned it, not me, him! yay! I want to jump on him he is so hot. And now instead of rushing to go see Dustyn after English, I will stop and talk to Matt, something I havent done since the beginning of the year. Hopefully I'll have a lunch with him, and I'd like to make really good friends with Caitlin. That's the plan. I've already made my way into that circle with Jake, Johnathan and Dylan and all. Trevor too.
AH, Matt has no idea how much I like him.
From now on I'm going to that spot in the B wing to sit with Matt and all them. Only I won't do it everyday, to avoid the needy look, and to spread my time better between boys and friends. I'm going to try to be better about all that.
I think I'm going downtown with Sidnie and two of her friends today, that is if I can get some money. I want a Nivana shirt that is really awesome, and I'll probably look at backpacks and handbags too.
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| Book Talk: |
[26 Dec 2003|11:39am] |
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mood |
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Nirvana~MTV Unplugged |
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I'm reading The Catcher and the Rye, and it is the best book that I have ever read in my entire life. I highly reccomend this book to anyone who liked the perks of being a wallflower.
No words can describe how much I love this book. J.D. Salinger is my hero.
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[20 Dec 2003|11:18am] |
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music |
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afi |
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i get to go bowling today
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[18 Dec 2003|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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A.F.I., sing the sorrow |
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okay, well, today was pretty cool, despite the unfotunate circumstances.
after school i hung out at vaheeda's and we talked alot. im really happy that she is so cool. then we came to my house and ate popcorn that was really good and then i had to go to therapy.
im becoming very worried about dustyn and i's relationship and where it seems to be going. nowhere. and i definatly want it to go somewhere. definatly.
i dont want to sound all pessamistic, about all of this, because its cool that we are friends.
ahhhhh! school is out! yay! im bored already.
amy dear, we must hang out. i love my skirt too much.
but something i dont understand all too well would have to be, that:
1. im easy to get along with
2. im fun to be around
3. i think im pretty attractive
4. i dont yell, and im not controlling or confontational
5. id like to think, or, i hope, im a good girlfriend
6. im not an insane prude
you'd think i wouldnt have this much guy trouble
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[16 Dec 2003|06:45pm] |
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dustyn, please do not ever sing the wrong words to a well-known nirvana song in front of me ever, ever, again, because, i fear i will have to murder you the next time that this happens, the words are:
come as you are, as you were
as i want you to be
as a friend, as a friend
as an old enemy
take your time, hurry up
the choice is yours, dont be late
take a rest,as a friend
as an old memoria
come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
as I want you to be
as a trend, as a friend, as an old memoria
i think its ironic that of all songs you pick to sing(wrong) to me, you choose this one, because it kinda reminds me of you.
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| i suggest everyone read this |
[16 Dec 2003|06:06pm] |
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yes, you see world, this is why clint is amazing:
1.
There was not a single finger print on the shot-gun. This indicates that it was wiped. Now if Kurt shot himself there would have to be a finger print, belonging to him, on the trigger. There wasn't.
2.
The amount of heroin found in Kurt's blood after the autopsy was very high. Infact it was so high that the toxicologist stated that a person under the influence of that bigger doseage would be totally incapacitated. He said that there is no way Kurt would have been conscious, let alone been able to write a note, load a gun and pull the trigger.
3.
Marks on Kurt's body idicated some kind of struggle before death occured. The puncher wound left by the needle used to inject the heroin was deep and messy, indicating the needle had been stabed into the flesh, as if by another person.
4.
The suposed suicide note makes no mention of Kurt killing him self or atempting suicide. The note is more like an apology for leaving the band Nirvana. The last 4 lines appear to have been added by someone else, handwriting experts agree this and the ink in the last 4 lines was fresher and different to the ink on the rest of the note.
5.
Courtney had tryed to hire a hit man to kill Kurt before for $50,000. There marrige was over according to friends and witnesses, Kurt was talking about changing his will and writting Courtney out of it and leaving everything to Frances. This was witnessed by the Nanny.
6.
A stool was used in the investigation, which it was said that Kurt used to block a door. The door used had no access from the outside anyway.
7.
The blast pattern left by the gun shot indicates Kurt was shot/shot himself whilst laying down on his back.
yeah, i hate it when ppl say that all the nirvana fans should get over it and move on because they think we cant handle the thought of kurt killing himself, when actually, its only the nirvana fans who seem to care that there is more evidence that wasnt looked at.
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[15 Dec 2003|07:15pm] |
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[13 Dec 2003|09:11am] |
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Nine Inch Nails, head like a hole |
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dustyn,
i wont be on the side for you forever
so make up your mind so that i can move on
(may i suggest brittany, she loves you more than me and will put up with more shit)
thanks, jain
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[12 Dec 2003|04:38pm] |
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ataris~sadest song |
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well
today was the best day i have had in the longest time ever. no kidding.
first period was the best because the hottest guy i have ever seen at this school was there and playing the guitar.!!!!!. god, he is so fucking beautiful. he was playing the music to outcast's song "hey ya" and then koran was singing the lyrics. it was the most fun ever ever ever. afterwards i went up to the hot guy and asked for a hug and he was like "sure!" like, all excited and suprised that i would ask. and yeah, best hug since forever. too bad he has an ugly wiccan nerd whore for a girlfriend. he is trevor, but blonde, which equals perfect. oh and glasses. but yeah, enough about him.
second period, was, informative. thats all.
third was cool cause all we did was do our speeches. i got a 95. which means i am great.
lunch kinda really sucked, because someone. not too sure who. got ketchup on my artwork. and jsutine was like "it was probably you" and i snapped at her and was like, it probably wasnt because i dont eat ketchup. it was gay. but sid said i handled it well.
fourth was cool cause we didnt have to do anything and also some ppl called me pretty and were asking me alot of questions. so i actually felt loved in that class. ::smiles::
yay, then i got a ride home with sidnie and we talked about the hot guy and stupid ppl who say emo all the time. so now im feeling hot and stuff.
amy = awesome and jain = not feeling depressed
but, i fear, until the physical remiders go away, the bad memories are here to stay.
hey, that should go in out book amy.
also, i just told off brittany a little bit, which rocked. she needed to have that shit told to her.
Useless Wording: What's wrong
drainedbybleach: what
Useless Wording: You were being emo today
Useless Wording: Are you okay
drainedbybleach: emo?
drainedbybleach: as in emotional
drainedbybleach: or as in the thing posers call themselves
Useless Wording: Yeah
Useless Wording: Emotional
Useless Wording: I hate the word poser
drainedbybleach: im just tired of everyone being full of shit
drainedbybleach: i hate posers
Useless Wording signed off at 4:47:47 PM.
funny? i think so.
well, i doubt my day is over, i predict i will be pissed off tonight because it isnt possible to have such a good day. we shall see.
goodbye for now
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| clint, thanks |
[11 Dec 2003|06:15pm] |
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warren zevon, keep me in your heart |
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yeah...unlike you, i dont lie, especially over something like this.
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[10 Dec 2003|06:59pm] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
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music |
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nirvana~all apologies |
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my entire body is tainted and dirty.
ive been ruined by a guy who i cant even have a conversation with.
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| so far, the advice i have gotten concerning my current predicament |
[09 Dec 2003|05:51pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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zach:
zsjenkinson: i still love ya
drainedbybleach: i dont beleive it when guys say that anymore
drainedbybleach: they always want something
clint:
drainedbybleach: im so sad
KuRdt KobAiN52: feel better
jessica:
onelikejess: and you don't need that unsteadiness he keeps giving you
onelikejess: at all
sidnie:
ftw cereal: dont EVER believe it when i guy says he loves you and he's still in high school, especially if just last week he was saying the SAME thing to another girl
drainedbybleach: good advice
girls are better advice givers i think.
my current predicament:
scene 1: me, jake, johnathan, and dustyn standing in the hall talking.
dustyn: im staying away from the girls for a while
me: (feels sick)
johnathan and jake: (look at me and give you that "ouch, im sorry" face)
dustyn: (acts oblivious)
curtains close
dustyn takes a bow
the end.
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[08 Dec 2003|05:02pm] |
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at school! |
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dude, im at school
and fuckin stacy totally blew me off so i had to do my whole liturature circle project bymyself, im really pissed off.
but yeah, i just finished. i guess with her it would have taken longer, but this presentation is tomorrow 1st period and there is agood chance we will bomb it.
which sucks, cause i have a 30 in that class and i was depending on this grade to fix that.
fuck!
im so pissed off
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[07 Dec 2003|09:42am] |
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amys party was really cool, im so happy that she is my friend
i felt kinda bad b/c i was just hanging out with dustyn the whole time.
but, yeah, he is like my new lil' private teacher, ::giggles::
yeah i think only he will get that one
i wrote this in my journal right before i left:
"dustyn called me and i was on the edge of tears and he decided to pick up the gameboy. Sometimes he tricks me into thinking he cares, but really he doesn't. Stuff like that proves my point. and i want him to not do that because it makes me feel used.
and thats the worst feeling ever
its not fair, i really love him, i do, but he lied, to get something, because as long as im naive, then he will succed."
i guess im exaggerating, but im not sure, i hate myself for always being so stupid. seriously, nothing will change.
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[05 Dec 2003|11:47am] |
you know what song i really like? that one from the wedding singer, at the end, the one like "growing old with you"
its so pretty, that will be my wedding song, lol
haylea or veehee, can one of u help me fix this ugly journal
ya'll are so amazing
thanx
<3jain
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[05 Dec 2003|11:39am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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omg, this is so cool
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[04 Dec 2003|10:01pm] |
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mkkk, so, yeah, therapy went well
but my dad is being like totally unreasonable about amy's party. since i didnt get my stupid progress report grades that i have to do totally manually, hes like, well, you cant go.
even so, it sucks because im doing like so well in all my other classes. the only one im doing bad in is english, and thats because i didnt turn in an assignment that i would have dont if i werent so traumatized by my dad yelling that he would take me to a mental hospital and have them lock me up for a month or 2.
i tried reading, but as anyone could imagine, it was hard. so i decided to shake from shock till i went to sleep.
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[01 Dec 2003|08:01pm] |
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hello world, this is me smiling:
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